First post of a mediocre father, hopefully not my last.
I write this today as a self admitted mediocre father, not solely as a confession but as an aglorious and hopeful admittance that I have hopefully given my child a support network that will long outlive me.
I know I will never be the best dad, I hope I'll never be the worst dad, in ways beyond counting I believe I already experienced those from my own relationship wih my amazing adoptive step-father and borderline non-existent but awful relationship with my biological father.
You my son as of this writing are now 8 years old, and I admit I am a man of many faults. However, I do believe I have one thing going for me, I love you, and truly want the best for you.
The way you embrace new things is something I wish I could do.
The way you devour interests with both hands and no regrets. The way you love explaining your own created content and interests.
If I never update this again, I want it to be my lasting confession to the world and to you that I loved you every single day, and will always love you regardless of your choices or decisions because like me you saw the reality of the world and chose not to be angry at it darkest bits, but chose to suck every last bit of enjoyment out of a cold worlds bones and take it into yourself because it made you happy.
Al, you carry your family's heritage in every step and letter of your name, after both of my grandfathers, who were good men taken away before their time if the world was just. Yet also, my last name that I took from my true dad, who while not contributing a single ounce of DNA to you was the best father I could have ever hoped for. Your middle name is of an Arthurian knight. Not just because of his purity but because of his ties to your mother's name. I know you can and will grow to be so much more than the sum of those parts, but know that the those parts, all contribute to the person you are.
I hope you will never be found wanting to be loved by the family I and your mom have given you, they all truly love you. You have dozens of uncles and aunts who will adore you. But also that we will have given you the understanding that a found family, a chosen family, is of equal importance. Don't ever feel the need to love us back because we are the family you were born into. However, hopefully you will have loved us back because you know we all truly love you for you. Your little smilings, your enthusiasm, your art and descriptions, those moments you want to protect those smaller than yourself. We love you not just because it, but more for it.
Between my love and participation in reading, writing, theater, role-playing, board and war games, and many other aspects of make believe and acceptance, I sincerely hope you inherit my sense of justice and hatred of bigotry. The worlds too damn big to ever tell anyone they are lesser or unwanted. Never fail to try and help others when it doesn't hurt you or your loved ones. Even someone you might not like or agree with, this world is cold and short and the only thing we know for certain is that this one is the only one that may exist. Fight for every moment, not just for those you love, but also for everyone else.
In a perfect world, I have given you dozens if not hundreds of "cousins" and "aunts" and "uncles" to help guide you across the entirety of your life. You don 't ever need to listen to just me, even if I hope you at least listen to mine and your mother's advice every step of the way. Especially your mother, she is way smarter than I'll ever be. I want to have given you confidence and competency in your life. You'll discover as you grow order that I never cared about the masculine or feminine aspects of reality, instead choosing my own and personal middle and blended path but striving to be one's best self even when I long stopped caring otherwise about myself was something that always mattered to me, hopefully it will matter to you as well.
Love - Yours, a mediocre father.
I know I will never be the best dad, I hope I'll never be the worst dad, in ways beyond counting I believe I already experienced those from my own relationship wih my amazing adoptive step-father and borderline non-existent but awful relationship with my biological father.
You my son as of this writing are now 8 years old, and I admit I am a man of many faults. However, I do believe I have one thing going for me, I love you, and truly want the best for you.
The way you embrace new things is something I wish I could do.
The way you devour interests with both hands and no regrets. The way you love explaining your own created content and interests.
If I never update this again, I want it to be my lasting confession to the world and to you that I loved you every single day, and will always love you regardless of your choices or decisions because like me you saw the reality of the world and chose not to be angry at it darkest bits, but chose to suck every last bit of enjoyment out of a cold worlds bones and take it into yourself because it made you happy.
Al, you carry your family's heritage in every step and letter of your name, after both of my grandfathers, who were good men taken away before their time if the world was just. Yet also, my last name that I took from my true dad, who while not contributing a single ounce of DNA to you was the best father I could have ever hoped for. Your middle name is of an Arthurian knight. Not just because of his purity but because of his ties to your mother's name. I know you can and will grow to be so much more than the sum of those parts, but know that the those parts, all contribute to the person you are.
I hope you will never be found wanting to be loved by the family I and your mom have given you, they all truly love you. You have dozens of uncles and aunts who will adore you. But also that we will have given you the understanding that a found family, a chosen family, is of equal importance. Don't ever feel the need to love us back because we are the family you were born into. However, hopefully you will have loved us back because you know we all truly love you for you. Your little smilings, your enthusiasm, your art and descriptions, those moments you want to protect those smaller than yourself. We love you not just because it, but more for it.
Between my love and participation in reading, writing, theater, role-playing, board and war games, and many other aspects of make believe and acceptance, I sincerely hope you inherit my sense of justice and hatred of bigotry. The worlds too damn big to ever tell anyone they are lesser or unwanted. Never fail to try and help others when it doesn't hurt you or your loved ones. Even someone you might not like or agree with, this world is cold and short and the only thing we know for certain is that this one is the only one that may exist. Fight for every moment, not just for those you love, but also for everyone else.
In a perfect world, I have given you dozens if not hundreds of "cousins" and "aunts" and "uncles" to help guide you across the entirety of your life. You don 't ever need to listen to just me, even if I hope you at least listen to mine and your mother's advice every step of the way. Especially your mother, she is way smarter than I'll ever be. I want to have given you confidence and competency in your life. You'll discover as you grow order that I never cared about the masculine or feminine aspects of reality, instead choosing my own and personal middle and blended path but striving to be one's best self even when I long stopped caring otherwise about myself was something that always mattered to me, hopefully it will matter to you as well.
Love - Yours, a mediocre father.
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